Scriptures: Psalm 30; John 21:1-19
Key Verse: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the Pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Psalm 30:9
Last Wednesday while I was working at the church office, I got a phone call asking if the church still had the hot meal program. I shared with her that we were not providing hot meals in house but giving out boxed meals to those who come and pick them up at the church given the pandemic. Then she asked me if I was from Germany due to my accent and I told her, “No!” Then she apologetically told me that she felt bad that she didn’t know any foreign languages. Then I said to her, “I appreciate people like you talking to me kindly instead of those that know many languages but look down on others.” And she said, “Awww, you just made my day. Thank you.”
Has anyone made you feel small or worthless? Or have we made others feel small or worthless either consciously or unconsciously? In my early ministries, I learned if I apologized about not being a native English speaker to the church before preaching and leading a worship, I would receive compliments about how good my English was, and if I didn’t apologize first, then many criticisms would follow. Interestingly, over the years, as I wondered if I should apologize or not, my shame resilience has grown stronger. Last week, I revisited a book I read almost 10 years ago. It’s called The Gifts of Imperfection. In her book, Brene Brown mentioned shame resilience and emphasized that we are not capable of loving others if we are not capable of loving ourselves by accepting our imperfection and chasing the image of someone that the world sees as big or worthy.
When Jesus was around physically, his disciples must have felt big and worthy, but after losing Jesus, they began feeling small and unworthy. With all the criticisms following them, they decided to be fishingmen again, fishing for fish instead of fishing for people. For them, dealing with fish was probably easier than dealing with people. Unfortunately, even fish shamed them all night. They caught nothing. I love the way Jesus approached them and had a meal with them, especially the way Jesus asked Peter if he loved him. He didn’t pity them or shame them, but instructed them how to live out the Greatest Commandment - love (agapao) God and oneself as others.
See the word, love, that Jesus used in Greek: agapao - unconditional love; phileo - friendship
The first time:
Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love (agapao) me?
Peter answered, “I love (phileo) you.”
The second time:
Jesus asked Peter again, “Do you love (agapao) me?
Peter answered, “I love (phileo) you.”
The third time:
Jesus asked Peter again, “Do you love (phileo) me?
Peter answered, “I love (phileo) you.”
Why wasn’t Peter ready to use the word agapao? Did he feel that he did not have enough to give? My answer would be the same if I were Peter. How about your answer if you were Peter? Who would be able to perfect “agage,” the kind of unconditional love to God, to oneself, and to others?
After hearing two times phileo from Peter, Jesus lowered the standard by using the same word phileo to ask him and instructed him not to forget to nurture and nourish all those who follow Jesus. I would think that most people like myself constantly wrestle between loving ourselves too much and having a hard time to love ourselves. We might not sense our inner struggle all the time, but that is the reality, a messy life without God’s grace. Brene Brown highlights a wholehearted life throughout her book that I found helpful and that aligns well with what God has restored us to be worthy to live, to celebrate, to praise God’s mighty love and faithfulness. Amen.
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