Reflection for the 5th Week after Pentecost, 2022
Scriptures: Deuteronomy 30:9-14; Luke 10:25-37
Key Verse: “God’s commandment is in your mouth and in your heart for you to observe.” (Deuteronomy 30:14)
When it comes to describing love, it can be abstract. That might be the reason that Gary Chapman's books on the 5 Love Languages speak to many who value love and search for ways to live it out. Love can be defined and expressed differently depending on our cultures and how much we have adapted and embraced different cultures.
The 5 Love Languages are acts of services, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and touch. Like speaking any language, the more we use a love language, the better it gets. I appreciate Chapman's new book published this year, The 5 Apology Languages. It’s perfect timing for us as we live in such a conflicting world. What a great tool Chapman has provided us to explore different apology languages so that we can love better.
Chapman quoted the argument of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a great German theologian who was also a well known Nazi antagonist. Bonhoeffer believed that the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance is cheap grace. Such powerful affirmation is also aligned with the message that both John the Baptist and Jesus used to prepare God’s people for entering the new chapter of God’s kingdom in Matthew 3:2, Mark 1:15, and Luke 3:3, 5:32.
The concept of love isn’t foreign to the people of God. We all know the best way to be with God is through repentance. Knowing that simply saying sorry for things that we have done isn’t enough, Chapman suggested the following 5 apology languages for us to practice: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, planning change, and requesting forgiveness. Which one is your primary, first, or native language of apology?
Since God is love and to whom we belong and that love is for all living beings, how do you respond to what I wrote below:
Being familiar with each one of them, I would choose to use a specific apology language depending on how deep my relationship is with the person I have wronged. And since the person I have wronged has the freedom not to accept my apology, I have to move on after trying and let God’s grace take care of the rest.
You might disagree or agree with what I have written. I ask myself how far I should keep trying to apologize so that it is considered enough. During the time of trying, will I be trapped with guilt? Or will I become resentful for not being forgiven?
Each love expression can be something small but done with great love. It is like an offering that we give back to God. It can be a small amount of money or time that we offer to support any ministry that extends God’s kingdom. It can be a simple act of welcoming newcomers into our church on Jesus’ behalf. It can be a gracious comment to someone who has done his or her best faithfully as a servant of God. Doesn’t God want us to love with all our heart, our mind, our soul, and our strength? If we have done so, that counts.
In the same way, each apology expression can be something big but done with little love. We can show the world on our website or reader board that Black lives matter but never befriend them and love them. We can have a sophisticated policy or a lengthy apology letter to our Native American community but continue to manipulate their land by making policies for profits. We can dedicate each month to each minority but never join their heritage celebration with them.
Speaking of love and apology, my daughter and I are watching a Korean drama on Netflix called Our Blues. I actually learned some valuable lessons from some conflicts and reconciliations in the drama, especially the story of two high schoolers who do well at school. They fell in love with each other and started dating secretly. Both of them have a similar family background. Each of them was raised by a single parent, a dad. Both dads were sick of being poor and committed to working hard and making sure that their kids will attend university. This young couple went through a tough time after finding out the girl was pregnant. Then they, together, made a brave decision to keep the baby without giving up their future. But both of their parents believed that having an abortion was the best choice.
What impressed me the most was that the young couple made an agreement with each other that no matter how angry their dads were, they would not apologize for their love and the baby. The following is a conversation between the girl and the dad.
Dad: You can’t always have everything your way in life. That’s life.
Girl: I will never say I was wrong. I will never say that this baby was a mistake. But still, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to make you lonely. I’m all you have. I’m sorry that I left you all alone. But dad, I feel so alone, too. I have Hyeon and the baby. But I don’t have you.
The words St. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:6-8a that love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, and always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I see the story of this young couple as a reflection of this scripture. They truly believe love and defend it without any apologies.
In our daily life, evil is everywhere. Evil wants us to give up each other as fast as we can. Evil celebrates when we fail to apologize for what we have done or to whom we have wronged. Evil divides us from each other and from God. Sometimes it is easier to apologize vaguely for the sake of giving an apology to move on. However, the girl can tell what is wrong and what isn’t. Their love is not a mistake. The new life in her womb isn’t a mistake. But making her dad go through the messy situation is not right. But again, love never fails.
Whenever conflicts happen, may God lead us to a path of reconciliation. May we be courageous enough to speak love and apology languages more fluently as we practice ceaselessly. May God’s commandments be in our mouth and in our heart to be observed. AMEN.
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